A Marmee-like Patience

Recently someone made a comment to me about this blog and what I've written here.  That person jokingly said, "I read the first few posts and found that you all were way too happy with your new baby and I couldn't read it anymore..." This did not resonate with me in a negative way, because I actually quite like the person who said this to me.  Instead, I realized that indeed I do write almost only happy and positive things on this blog and almost everywhere else on social media.  This isn't because I'm trying to come across as an excessively over-exuberant new mama; however, I think if anyone went through a tough and scary pregnancy like I did, most people would be totally focused on projecting gratitude for their healthy, newborn child, like I am.

Let me tell you, there have been days (mostly nights, actually) where my patience has been tested and I am in a less than gracious mood. There have been days where Joel walks through the door and I'm like "THANK GOODNESS" and I pass Charlee to him about two seconds later.  There have been times where I've opted to do the dishes, my least favourite chore, rather than snuggle Charlee on the couch.  There have even been moments that usually end with me in tears because I sometimes can't handle what my body has gone through to create this little human of ours.  It's not all rainbows and butterflies up in here. 

For example, today I spent an hour getting Charlee ready to head downtown to wait in line at the passport office.  Once we finally got downtown, parked and found our place in line it was actually more like two hours later than planned...but we made it!  With Charlee's application and passport photos in hand we passed it all to the lady at the counter, who curtly said, "Can you push the papers closer?" So I did.  Then she took one look at Charlee and said, "You know, you'd be better off coming here midweek, it's so busy on Fridays".  Well, duh, lady...but I'm here now so let's do this.  The she glanced at the application and asked if Joel was around.  He wasn't.  As it turns out there is a tiny spot written in font size 2 on the bottom of the passport application that Joel needed to sign.  Being a government document, the grumpy lady wouldn't let it slide, so we left with our application and photos still in hand. Two hours of prep for absolutely nothing.  I was so mad, you guys.  I called Joel immediately and definitely dropped a couple F bombs.  He took my rage in and when I hung up he texted me and told me to call him once I calmed down.  Ha! You see, this is why I love him so much.   As I huffed my way to a coffee shop (because coffee fixes everything) I was reminded of the scene in Little Women where Marmee and Jo are talking about bad tempers and how Marmee "holds her tongue" every single day to help her anger from boiling over.  I love that scene; Marmee is such an inspiration!  So I swallowed my anger, took a sip of coffee and headed to the ocean with Charlee.  Oh, and I called Joel back.

ps - I realize that this whole passport issue isn't a big deal in real life.  But just imagine this whole thing with a hungry three month old baby, a jam packed passport office and a parking meter on the brink of expiration.  Yeah.  This is how simple events turn into chaos.


I feel it's important to share that I have worked damn hard for about ten years to overcome the less than stellar, somewhat negative attitude I sometimes possess.  I have put in a lot of effort to overcome the angry, self-deprecating mindset that used to own me.  Only fairly recently have I been able to step back from a heated situation, take a deep breath and regroup, like during today's passport debacle. To me, this newly acquired skill signifies maturity.  And while I often write and post about positive things, this doesn't mean the annoying, negative stuff doesn't happen - it just means I'm working realllllly hard on not letting it manifest in my life anymore.

I need to close this essay with a shout out to my people who have been my main sources of laughter and support since Charlee was born.  These people have kept me grounded and focused on what's real during this time of great change in my life.  My longtime friend, Daylinn, whose youngest daughter is exactly one month older than Charlee.  We text every single day and compare and contrast our baby girls.  We also hold one another accountable for our daily workouts.  Oh - and we're going to run a half marathon together this August.  Thanks, Linn, for hearing me out every day.  My longtime friend, Nikki, who also happens to be Charlee's Godmama and one reason why we are traveling to Prague this spring (the other reason is that her husband, Ryan, obviously also lives there - ha).  Nik and I also text every day, but we mostly talk about cobblestone streets, European pastries and lululemon.  My mom, who literally drops everything to come watch Charlee for me and/or clean our house when I need help.  She also comes over and hangs out with Charlee so I can go for runs.  So awesome. Thanks mom! And of course, Joel.  We don't need to get sappy here, but for real, how did I land this man!? He makes me the best version of myself and I love him for that more than ever before.

So, here's to more happiness and gratitude and less angry meltdowns!

xxk

We are on a mission to capture some "every day" kind of photos.  This scene was part of our photo shoot, but is definitely a candid shot.  I'm happy that I was caught laughing in the middle of what was clearly an epic meltdown :)