A Marmee-like Patience

Recently someone made a comment to me about this blog and what I've written here.  That person jokingly said, "I read the first few posts and found that you all were way too happy with your new baby and I couldn't read it anymore..." This did not resonate with me in a negative way, because I actually quite like the person who said this to me.  Instead, I realized that indeed I do write almost only happy and positive things on this blog and almost everywhere else on social media.  This isn't because I'm trying to come across as an excessively over-exuberant new mama; however, I think if anyone went through a tough and scary pregnancy like I did, most people would be totally focused on projecting gratitude for their healthy, newborn child, like I am.

Let me tell you, there have been days (mostly nights, actually) where my patience has been tested and I am in a less than gracious mood. There have been days where Joel walks through the door and I'm like "THANK GOODNESS" and I pass Charlee to him about two seconds later.  There have been times where I've opted to do the dishes, my least favourite chore, rather than snuggle Charlee on the couch.  There have even been moments that usually end with me in tears because I sometimes can't handle what my body has gone through to create this little human of ours.  It's not all rainbows and butterflies up in here. 

For example, today I spent an hour getting Charlee ready to head downtown to wait in line at the passport office.  Once we finally got downtown, parked and found our place in line it was actually more like two hours later than planned...but we made it!  With Charlee's application and passport photos in hand we passed it all to the lady at the counter, who curtly said, "Can you push the papers closer?" So I did.  Then she took one look at Charlee and said, "You know, you'd be better off coming here midweek, it's so busy on Fridays".  Well, duh, lady...but I'm here now so let's do this.  The she glanced at the application and asked if Joel was around.  He wasn't.  As it turns out there is a tiny spot written in font size 2 on the bottom of the passport application that Joel needed to sign.  Being a government document, the grumpy lady wouldn't let it slide, so we left with our application and photos still in hand. Two hours of prep for absolutely nothing.  I was so mad, you guys.  I called Joel immediately and definitely dropped a couple F bombs.  He took my rage in and when I hung up he texted me and told me to call him once I calmed down.  Ha! You see, this is why I love him so much.   As I huffed my way to a coffee shop (because coffee fixes everything) I was reminded of the scene in Little Women where Marmee and Jo are talking about bad tempers and how Marmee "holds her tongue" every single day to help her anger from boiling over.  I love that scene; Marmee is such an inspiration!  So I swallowed my anger, took a sip of coffee and headed to the ocean with Charlee.  Oh, and I called Joel back.

ps - I realize that this whole passport issue isn't a big deal in real life.  But just imagine this whole thing with a hungry three month old baby, a jam packed passport office and a parking meter on the brink of expiration.  Yeah.  This is how simple events turn into chaos.


I feel it's important to share that I have worked damn hard for about ten years to overcome the less than stellar, somewhat negative attitude I sometimes possess.  I have put in a lot of effort to overcome the angry, self-deprecating mindset that used to own me.  Only fairly recently have I been able to step back from a heated situation, take a deep breath and regroup, like during today's passport debacle. To me, this newly acquired skill signifies maturity.  And while I often write and post about positive things, this doesn't mean the annoying, negative stuff doesn't happen - it just means I'm working realllllly hard on not letting it manifest in my life anymore.

I need to close this essay with a shout out to my people who have been my main sources of laughter and support since Charlee was born.  These people have kept me grounded and focused on what's real during this time of great change in my life.  My longtime friend, Daylinn, whose youngest daughter is exactly one month older than Charlee.  We text every single day and compare and contrast our baby girls.  We also hold one another accountable for our daily workouts.  Oh - and we're going to run a half marathon together this August.  Thanks, Linn, for hearing me out every day.  My longtime friend, Nikki, who also happens to be Charlee's Godmama and one reason why we are traveling to Prague this spring (the other reason is that her husband, Ryan, obviously also lives there - ha).  Nik and I also text every day, but we mostly talk about cobblestone streets, European pastries and lululemon.  My mom, who literally drops everything to come watch Charlee for me and/or clean our house when I need help.  She also comes over and hangs out with Charlee so I can go for runs.  So awesome. Thanks mom! And of course, Joel.  We don't need to get sappy here, but for real, how did I land this man!? He makes me the best version of myself and I love him for that more than ever before.

So, here's to more happiness and gratitude and less angry meltdowns!

xxk

We are on a mission to capture some "every day" kind of photos.  This scene was part of our photo shoot, but is definitely a candid shot.  I'm happy that I was caught laughing in the middle of what was clearly an epic meltdown :)

This is how we do, yeah.

So somehow our child is almost three months old, which means I've been on mat leave for three months already (technically three months and three weeks...) and I'm like, WHAT!? How. Did. That. Happen?

We are getting super comfy in this whole "we have a daughter" thing now.  Charlee has started sleeping through the night!  She can easily pull off a five to six hour stretch through the night, although her bedtimes are variable, but we don't even care.  It's nice knowing that once she's down for the night we have about five or six hours until she'll wake up to eat.  Last night was miraculous - she slept for fifteen hours with four feeds mixed in there and woke up a pound heavier.  Ha! Maybe a not a whole pound, but she's definitely growing right now and Joel even mentioned that she feels heavier than yesterday.

We have a few medical appointments coming up including: immunizations (her first round), an ECG at Vic General because even though the midwives claim she doesn't have a heart murmur, the doctors claim she does, and an ultrasound on her head because of a random bump that's formed there and freaks me out.  I'm sure it's all fine.  My sister and I were born with heart murmurs and I still have one, so I'm not concerned about it.

Perhaps the most exciting news as of late is that we booked our flights to Prague! Our beloved friends, Ryan and Nicole, (also Charlee's Godparents) moved to Prague in September and we have been tossing around the idea of going or not going to visit.  We finally decided that we have to go, so we will be spending some quality time with them this April and we will venture into Germany to hang out with my family there for a few days too!  How lucky is Charlee that her first flight will be a big international trip to our beloved continent of Europe? Now we just have to tackle the task of getting her passport photos done...

We took a few "everyday" photos today.  Here they are:

She still loves to fall asleep on us and we'll keep doing it until she doesn't want to anymore :)

Just working on her eye contact with the camera.

Love this little face!

Quite possibly my new fav photo to date.  She looks right into our eyes these days and talks to us.  It's the most precious thing on the planet...the first time she did it I cried.

If only you could see the face I'm making in order to get her to smile - ha!

We spend a lot of time couch snuggin' and sharing those snuggs with the kitties.

He's winning Father of the Year award for sure!

This cat.  For real.

much love,

xxk&j&charlee

A Bunch of Photos

Nothing new to say, just a bunch of photos from the Canon that have been uploaded and edited.  Enjoy!

Our really good friends Elyse, Allie and Jesse gave Charlee this dress and it finally fit her at one month old.  Clearly she loved this photo shoot.

Look at these feet lifting skills! Charlee at one month old.

This tiny little thing was hungry and cranky during her one month photo shoot.

Charlee's two month photoshoot.  I think she looks like an entirely different baby than the one above!  I guess nearly doubling your body weight in one month will do that...

I'm on a mission to capture more "every day" kind of photos.  Charlee takes most of her daytime naps in her crib now.

The following C. Rae series of faces.  This one is: Cry Face.

Duck Face (her first, to which my sister commented: #shamelessselfie #nofilter #nomakeup and I laughed out loud because hashtags are dumb, especially the ones I just mentioned).

Hungry Monster Face (not to be confused with Hungry Monster Face in her 3 week shoot).

Sneaky Smile Face.  Charlee smiled for the first time while awake at her Nana (my mom).  Since then she's pulled a few more awake smiles, this one almost made it to a complete smile :)

The Cutest Thing I've Ever Seen Face.

Another "every day" kind of photo.

Tannenbaum hunting with our baby bear.

This is pretty much as Christmassy as our photos got this season.

Found our trees! In case you are wondering how/why my sister looks so damn good posing with a saw in the middle of a tree farm...it's because she's a model.

Joel's parents were able to come for Christmas and got to hold Charlee for the first time!

That's all for now!

xxk&j&charlee

8 weeks!

Hey everyone!

We hope you all had a restful and peaceful holiday.  Our holiday season was very much the same as every other "new normal" day for us...we slept and ate around Charlee's schedule, and yes, that does mean I held her while trying to eat Christmas dinner (my sister-in-law put food on my plate for me, thanks Rachelle!)

Our girl has graduated into the white bear suit! Thanks to our friend Kate for this adorable suit.

For me, the best part of this entire holiday has been having Joel home full time (his office closes over Christmas).  Navigating this whole experience is 100% more awesome when Joel is around, especially when I look at him while Charlee is melting down and whisper, "I need some patience right now" and he assures me that I have access to said required patience.  It's just better when he's here. 

Charlee loves her Pa so much!

 We did get a Christmas tree this year, but we didn't decorate it until Christmas Eve.  Somehow every night we'd be sitting on the couch feeding or snuggling Charlee and we'd stare at the tree and swear to each other that we'd decorate it tomorrow.  This went on for a week until we really had no other excuses because "tomorrow" became Christmas Day - ha.  Much along the same pattern, we didn't even take any photos of Charlee on her first Christmas.  I know.  We are not winning the "Parents of the Year Award, Photography Section" by any means.  Before Charlee was born we swore up and down that we wouldn't take and post photos of her with our phones.  A word of advice to our friends who are soon-to-be parents: Just don't decide anything until your child is born.  The iPhone is just way more convenient.  That being said, I told Joel the other day we need to be more diligent at documenting the "every day" kind of stuff with and for Charlee.  Things like baths, bottles and outfit changes.  I want real pictures of these things!

Joel's parents were able to come for Christmas and they finally got a chance to hold Charlee!

Nans takes one in the face.

The two grandpas commiserating.

 Charlee had her final midwife appointment this past week.  She's looking strong and healthy and on December 30th she weighed a whopping 10lbs12oz!  In case you don't remember, she was born 6lbs4oz.  She had 20 days between her appointments this time around and during that break she gained 28oz.  Needless to say, our midwife continues to call her an "overachiever" to which I replied, "Just like her mama".  Charlee has also grown 7.5cm in length since her birth, to which I exclaimed, "Just like her papa!" I am destined to be the shortest in our family, but I'm really not that surprised. Because of this epic growing our girl is doing I've already had to pack up all Charlee's newborn clothes and hang up her 0-3 months clothes.  A good friend of mine asked me if this was a sad experience for me and I decided it isn't for several reasons: a) I never want to redo these last 8 weeks again, especially the first 2 and b) the fact that I get to switch Charlee's clothes around is a blessing because it means she is healthy and growing!

Packing up Charlee's tiny newborn clothes that are barely bigger than my feet!  

As far as my health goes, I am officially allowed to go off my blood pressure medication (yep - still taking pills for my pre-eclampsia induced high blood pressure).  I've started doing some reading on the various conditions I had (complete anterior placenta previa and pre-eclampsia) and it's probably a good thing I waited this long to do so.  I've read some medical articles and scanned through some online forums and as it turns out the combination of these two conditions is quite rare. In fact, our midwives both claimed they've never experienced a pregnancy where both these conditions were present in one person at the same time.  During the first few weeks after Charlee's birth I was feeling pretty let down by my body despite the fact that my surgery went as planned and our baby was totally healthy.  On the other hand, I couldn't help but think, "Of course this would happen to me!" I tend to gravitate toward the weirdest and most absurd allergies and reactions...like who on this planet has anaphylaxis to wasps, food sensitivities to bananas and pecans, and breaks out in a nasty rash when brushing past a pine tree, but can confidently eat peanut butter by the spoonful?!  Me.  That's who.  So really, it only makes sense I developed a stubborn-as-hell placenta with a side of pre-eclampsia.  Gotta keep things interesting!  Anyhow, jokes aside, I am well and happy and my blood pressure has finally normalized.  I have been able to turn my fear and anger toward my physical body into an attitude of wonder and amazement.  In fact, I am healing so well that I was able to do my first run/walk on New Years Day (5.7km! I've been waiting since April 12th to do that). 

Our first New Year celebration together - no one made it til midnight.

In addition to the day to day eat, wake, sleep routine we've been able to get up to some fun activities together this season, including some long walks and Charlee's first skating experience!  Our friends, the Ross fam, rents out a skating rink every Christmas Eve and invites all their friends for a skate.  We joined in this tradition last year and this year we were able to bring Charlee on the ice in her stroller! Love it.

At 7 weeks old Charlee officially grew out of the brown bear suit, gifted to her from my cousin Amber.

I've never loved walking so much in my life! It feels so good to get outside every day.  The BabyBjorn carrier has changed our life - not even kidding.  This was an early Christmas gift from my parents.

We also finally got to spend some quality time with our good friends, the Pero fam.  The Pero's kids, Annalee and Aaron, have been our "adopted children" since they were born :) We love them so much and are so glad that they're part of Charlee's life now too!  Here is Annalee's first time holding Charlee. 

Our sweet girl dressed the most pink she's ever seen in her whole 8 weeks of life.  Thanks again to our friend Kate for the adorable pink dress!

Our girl's favourite way to sleep, on her Mama or Pa's chest.  We will take the snuggles while we can!

 Much love,

xxk&j&charlee